“Let your pain be my sorrow, Let your tears be my tears too, Let your courage be my model, That the north you find will be true, When there's no informationAnd the compass turns to nowhere that you know well…Let your soul be your pilotLet your soul guide youLet your soul guide youLet your soul guide you upon your way...” Sting

Hey all…

Two weeks ago I spoke of the ills of money defining you etc. Well last week and this week, I find myself in a tussle with my current employers. Here is the story, and I guess as with any story there are two sides to it, but seeing as I am writing this so here is my side of the story.

In April this year, my boss informed me that he was motivating a promotion and a promotional increase for about 6 of us. Yes there is no guarantee that I would get it, but all I want is to be a part of the evaluation process. I am assuming that the promotion was based on our performance being beyond what we were initially hired for or paid for. Well anyway the whole process started last week and I was told that I am not going to be included it, but I guess that is fair enuff because I am leaving the NEF, but what grates me is the fact that they are backdating the pay till April. Unless I am dof and am really missing something here, was I not working here from April till October when I resigned, at the same level that prompted this motivation to revise my remuneration? Am I not allowed some sort of compensation for my efforts during that period…especially if the motivation is to backdate this till April? At the risk of blowing my own horn, I have been involved in about 6 approved deals (some of which were not concluded due to some funding hiccups that happened last year or sellers walking away, etc.) which I think is 3 times more than any other team member, call it luck call it whatever, but it is what it is….I call it 6 approved deals the last one coming as recently as tuesday.

I approached management about this and their response is sorry for me because I am leaving! I just don’t find it a valid response. I mean really is it my fault that the structures weren’t in place here and as a result this thing has been dragged out till now? Very bleak with the whole thing, but maybe u guys can help me put it right in my head.

Grates me I tell u. Last year the only time I took any sort of leave, sick or otherwise was in December, fair enuff this year I took a month out to visit the states, but I think I have caught up on all my work. To think that people that call in sick, just because, leave work midday and never return will get one over on me, definitely not intending to pull anyone down (u get away with whatever u can), I am merely highlighting the theory of nice guys cumming last, if they cum at all J (excuse the crudeness). Ya I can hear u all now “boo hoo hoo”, and fair enuff those remarks are, but still I can vent cant i?!

Another issue that is related to my bleakness, is the fact that I have 2 guys who were on the same level as me, but they have more experience and as a result they were promoted to management. I spoke to both of these guys about whether if my thoughts of wanting to remain part of the process is valid. I engaged one of them more than the other on this topic, I even went as far as showing him the email I wanted to forward to management to keep me in the process. His response was no bra you should go for it, you have been working for it, u are entitled to ask, you mustn’t be like us blacks and keep quiet. Come the Monday management meeting… a whole different story, no one even raises a voice to defend my opinion, Not one damn soul!! I actually wouldn’t be surprised if they actually slated me there. Maybe the reason why I was so bleak was cos I would never have done that to anybody. I don’t care who I lose favour with, If something doesn’t sit right with me it doesn’t sit right with me and I will defend my stance until proven wrong and then I will eat humble pie gladly!

We were having issues here at work, we’d all sit in little huddles and bitch and moan amongst ourselves, but come meetings there would be about 1 or 2 of us who would stand up and speak our piece, everyone else would cower into little shells, then meeting over, blah blah blah again. But I guess the fear of losing face or being one of the boys is more important to certain individuals than saying what u believe and believe in what you are saying, I guess to some its all about looking good in front of the bosses. Kcuf that grates me! Live and learn!

Anyway…

After 2 weeks ago’s mail, I received another topic that kind of leads from the issue. The topic is about money in relationships how do you deal with it. In this life we are now living pre-nups are the order of the day. Till death do us part is no longer what it meant, first sign of trouble…”Eddie…, I want to talk to you Eddie….U treat me like animal…I WANT HALF!! As real as divorce is and as careful as we want to be, what kind of message does a pre-nup sending?...Babe, you are my first, my last, my everything, forever and ever, from now to the grave you are the one, before God and Man…but just sign over here first….

Lets even take one step down. You have a girlfriend/boyfriend and you guys have been vas for years and years, ok even months, but u have realized that no s/he is definitely the one…”no one else comes close to you no one makes me feel the way u do” that song rings in your head every time you see him or her. Marriage is something that is at the back of both your minds, but you are not ready yet, but you are very keen to move in together, buy a house together etc. How do you do it? (buying the house that is) Do you go in jointly? According to how much you earn? Furniture, day to day expenses? Do u set up a joint account or maintain your independent account? If a joint account what happens when u want to get those new clubs (trying to psych myself up to start golf) etc. Are these issues still issues when u get married?

If I had to give my thoughts on it, being such a huge expert on relationships and all, in marriage all individuality should be lost, you are in it as one. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine J u know what I mean.

However, when it comes to just being on a girlfriend/boyfriend tip. I guess its all up to the people that are in these relationships, to decide what’s best for them and their situation, no one can prescribe to you how to conduct your relationships. In my view, arb expenditure like going out etc, should be like whatever…I don’t think u should keep tabs on that, if u can pay u should pay, if u cant the other should, if u both cant then u don’t go out…durrrr!!

But buying property together is quite a big deal. Has its pros and cons. If it all works out and you live happily ever after, its all good, but if it doesn’t go all that well but u still are pretty grown up about the split, it could be a good investment for the both of you, well in the current economic climate, but if u split cos one of you poked the others best friend etc, well that could get messy. Microwave is mine, Tv is mine, couches are mine…the kettle…mine, and so it goes on. The whole joint account thing too can get a tad sticky, especially if you are the major cheese winner in the relationship, cos if stuff goes sour you could get cheesed off, or your being the main cheese winner could lead to you getting cheesed off.

All this said, in all honesty though its all up to the person. I for one am on the fence on this issue, on the one hand in an ideal world where people aren’t out to get one over on the other, I would say all or nothing, go in it boots and all, pre-nup whatever, community of property all the way. But nowadays the world is an evil place, yes I know I paint a picture of doom and gloom, but this is being written by a person who has recently learnt a hard lesson, there is definitely plenty good left in the world, but I don’t know, divorces are becoming as common as marriages, people who have been with X, Y and Z will not even flinch at the thought of getting with another, it’s a doggy dog world out there and at the end of the day, the risk is yours to take…if you so choose.

Last week I think saw the beginning of the month of Ramadaan. Ramadaan is a month during which many Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset. This period commemorates the month in which the Qur’aan, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs of the criterion between right and wrong, was revealed. Some of the many lessons to be learnt from fasting are:
The gaining of Taqwaa which is to act in obedience to Allah, when u act in obedience with Allah, habits, desires, seeking praise and fame etc. take a back seat and Allah is the main focus.
Seeking nearness to Allah, this is achieved through reading the Qur’aan, praying, going to Mosque. You forget self during this period and all thoughts of the heart are directed to Allah and His teachings
Acquiring patience. Fasting teaches self restraint and patience. Patience teaches us to cope with lifes ups and downs, patience teaches us to worship Allah with sincerity, not rushing through prayers because we feel we must pray. With patience we are able to restrain our souls from greed and stinginess, subdue ill temperaments etc.
Cultivating good manners this period should be used to abstain not only from food and drink, but also from thoughts, words and deeds that may be harmful to others
Sensing Muslim Unity During this period, the Islamic Nation is one, its united during the month of Ramadaan through fasting. Muslims become more aware of the state of affairs of the Muslims. Muslims help and assist each other during this period. During this period Muslims feel what their needy brothers and sisters endure when they have to go for days with neither food nor drink. The togetherness, assisting one another, that is one of the great fundamentals on which the Religion of Islam was built. This spirit of unity is not only displayed during the month of Ramadaan. Muslims are urged to say their 5 daily prayers in congregation as it is 27 times more ‘rewardful’ than praying individually. It is also very prevalent during the period of Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca)

There are many lessons that Non-Muslims can take from the lessons of Ramadaan, sincerity, ubuntu, patience doing good, doing right! A very tough period for Muslims, I doubt I could survive, much respect to you all who are fasting. Hope we all learn all these lessons through Ramadaan and beyond.

Birthdays

26th September Livia J
25th October Karina

Other than that, that’s me out for this week, much respect to you all, have a great weekend, remember comments and remarks appreciated, either by replying or www.mondaymail.blogspot.com

Much later

Y

A wet morning here in Johannesburg yet a beautiful morning none-the-less. I sincerely hope that you are all well of mind, body and soul.

My good friends, many thanks, to those of you that made the effort in helping me out with some topics for the weeks ahead. All those topics and websites are pretty interesting but there is one that I thought I should air out now, because it’s something that we all live (okay, the real reason is because I don’t have to dive into some tedious research on this one J) .

Before I carry on, I added a couple of names to this list those that I do remember are Kim and Vuyo, if I forgot you, no offence intended, but if u feel u must get offended well what can I do J? Guys that I have added and to the rest of you, whenever u feel the need to be removed from this list, please just holler!!

Anyway the topic this week is a topic that I have touched on in prior emails, but a topic worth talking about again, thanks Mia.

Do you remember growing up, well I do (still have plenty of it to do), so some memories are fresher than others J. My folks put in some decent hours at work, but they always were there for us whenever and however they could be. I suppose maybe it because they are both in education, but they just always seemed to be there…which wasn’t always such a good thing. The old folks always seemed to have time for themselves and for everybody else. Time to invite people over for lunch this weekend, that weekend etc. they had time to help us with our homework, they had time to take you to the library on Saturday morning, something I wished they didn’t have time for quite frankly, time to play tennis, soccer, badminton etc. with us. They had time to just mess around in the kitchen baking cakes, scones etc. We as young ones as well had lots of energy and time and no worries. I remember waking up in the morning the only intention was taking a step down Sissons str. to go visit Ed and Dave, and all we’d do was just mill around shooting hoops, playing table tennis, listening to music, watching …., walking up to the shops and back down again, visiting people I suggest we visit, but I end up not actually having anything to say to these people.

Most of the work in the house was done in-house, like mowing the lawn, washing dishes, cleaning pools (for those that who had pools) washing clothes (by hand)…I could go on, but what do we do now, cooking…whatever?!! Lets go get Wooolies microwave meals. Mowing my lawn, whatever!! Garden service duhh?! Baking from scratch? Ready mix… u get the picture. What does this mean? We are all always chasing the cheese, its all about a better job, better paying job at that, work, work, work…money, money, money.

Kids, running around, climbing trees, etc. nope, PS2, CD players, computers, TV, make up, drugs, sex at 13/14. I heard a shocking story the other day, my youngest brother who is all of 21 yrs old just told me that he just heard that one of his mates has recently died from an overdose and another had a drug related stroke and as a result half of his body is paralysed…the world is spinning on a different plane nowadays I tell u!

Everyone is looking at how to get one over on the next. A lot of us are of the opinion that what we have and who we are is just not good enough and we can do better. Striving for excellence, that’s all good and so too this pursuit of the ultimate us, but at what cost? At the cost of losing touch with our true selves…or is this Capitalist Us the real us? All these questions and no answers from me J cos I aint got them. But this pursuit of the better, capitalist us has many spin offs to it. It tends to result in us being classists (if such a word exists). I come from very humble beginnings and I’d be damned if I ever forget that, but many a time I tend to lose focus and the pursuit of that flashy car and the bling bling house, clouds the soul. Its all good and well to aspire to a better life than what you have known, but its another to lose your identity to labels…Hi I am Yaw, owner of 3 Ferraris, a mansion in Dainfern, a Villa in the South of France, a wardrobe full of Armani, Gucci and Ralph Lauren, and you are?

That is just so shallow and empty, we are soo much more than how much we earn, what we drive, where we live etc. Sometimes I sit back and all I can think is that we are so losing the plot. We live in a world that offers us so much opportunity to let the real us shine through, but our first question is, hmmmm what’s in it for me? For the Religious amongst us, we know what sacrifices were made for our salvation, we know what the teachings say, did any of them consider what was in it for them? We have become so elitist and self-absorbed, or can this attitude be classed as just not getting along with certain people or not having anything in common with them, so rather not have them in our circle?
I have a friend and the other day he was telling me a story. He has a 6 year old child, but through no fault of his own, the child is very slow in maturing, and as a result he doesn’t really listen, when you say ‘no don’t do it’ he carries on, he cant really speak yet neither, etc. He tends to take his child to visit some friends in the larney burbs, but the child tends to touch things and accidentally break things. He also takes his child to the township to visit some of his other friends who still live there, the child acts in the same manner there too. One day it all came to air that his friends that live in the burbs have an issue with his child, touching and breaking things etc. and that he is stubborn and doesn’t listen etc. but these people are very aware of the child’s condition. The total opposite can be said of the mates in iLoksion, they are so supportive, always asking how the child is, how he is progressing etc. Makes me think…

Who are u really? When you take a step back and look at your life are u entirely happy with what you have become, what you aspire to be? Are you entirely happy with all your actions? Where u are dissatisfied can you make a change? More importantly do you really sincerely want to make that change, because to change/do something and make it count and be meaningful in your life it definitely has to be a whole hearted event.

Another spin off is one I can’t seem to get away from at the moment, maybe because according to society I and a lot of my mates, u guys…are in that space at the moment. I guess before I go on I must congratulate Gretchen and Craig, Angela and Trevor, Garth and Lisa, Thabo and Chomba, Bontle and Mandea, Jake and Lilly, Rachel and Lambert, Liam and Tanya, Courts and Howard, Keith and Tarryn and Pete and Carla, for managing to get it right (if I have forgotten you in this list oops). A whole lot of my mates and people in this age group always seem to be bitching and moaning about looking for that special someone, but not being able to find them. Someone with that X factor, define the X factor and it’s the same old, smart, intelligent, happy with who they are, ambitious, real, real hot, funny, etc. but most of you the people that are telling me this fit the profile, yet they cant seem to find The One…The gals are complaining that the guys are all players and they are full of it, this and that and the guys are complaining that the girls all think they are all that, they are driven, they are ambitious and they think that they are all that and the moans can go on and on till the break of dawn…is our pursuit of career excellence getting in the way of our relationships as well, or are we in that space where what we have just aint good enough and there is something better around the corner? Ek weet nie (I don’t know). I am no relationship expert and have never professed to be one, but according to my parents, uncles and aunts, I am 28, finished studying, doing ok in terms of work etc, have a this that and the next, naturally the next step is to find the one… I don’t know about that one. Speaking for me I don’t think I am ready, but another school of thought is that I am just so darn lazy to make the effort, but that could also link back to the I don’t think I am ready bit, who knows.

I know I pose a lot of questions some/most of which I have no answers to, but u guys are a wise bunch maybe one of you can drop an idea or two.

I started writing this mail on Saturday afternoon, and I thought it was a very apt topic, working on a damn fine Saturday afternoon, then yesterday was on a call with the the lovely Karabo T, and she also fueled the topic. With the topic still fresh in my mind I thought it best to complete it now…

Any comments…reply to this mail or http://www.mondaymail.blogspot.com

Birthdays
11th Cousin George
16th Thabo

Happy birthday boys and anyone else who celebrates a birthday this week.

Quotes
“how good and how pleasant it would be before God and man to see the unification of all Africans” – Bob Marley
“ I have climbed highest mountains, I have run through the fields only to be with you, I have run, I have crawled, I have scaled, theses city walls only to be with you, but I still haven’t found what I am looking for…” U2
He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money. – Benjamin Franklin
Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. – Benjamin Franklin
One must be poor to know the luxury of giving. – George Elliot
Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil. – Henry Fielding

Ps. I have just read an email just highlighting all the ‘crap’ all you ladies have to go through, from developing breasts through to menopause, and all I can say is big up and maximum respect to you all, thank the powers that be that I am male!!

Maximum respect and I’m out

Y