If you want to grow, you've got to let go"

Human progress has always been slow because we are reluctant to accept new ideas and to let go of old ideas.
We are creatures of habit and comfort and even if we do not particularly like where we are, we will look for ways to justify our situation so that we can feel comfortable in it.
Often we will resist change and growth because we feel that we do not deserve anything better.
We will never do more than we think we can, so change your "picture of possibility" and break through your self imposed or accepted limits.
There is pain in change, the pain of accepting that long held and cherished beliefs may be wrong.
But remember this, your beliefs will either limit your potential or unleash your potential.
Learn to constantly challenge yourself, to constantly try to do something more, something different, something differently.
We are too scared to take risks, yet the greatest risk of all is to risk nothing, for then we miss out on any chance of life.

- Johan V Campbell -

Another week passes by, more experiences under the belt, more thoughts to discuss, more wrongs to right, more rights to uphold. I trust all is well with you guys, on the surface things are fan-dam-tastic in my world but below the surface, the worlds not alright with me. My soul is not settled. But before I go on a few welcomes Zahir, Eve, Adjoa, Glenda, Vuyani and Federica, welcome to our ‘weekly’ mailing list. I hope at the very least it gives you some food for thought. If not we would really appreciate your input on how to make this a better place. If you have any comments or want to read some of the older ‘articles’ please go to www.mondaymail.blogspot.com. Alternatively if you are getting no use from this please do drop me a mail asking for your removal and I will duly oblige!

Before I go on let me say I write this mail with my cap in my hand, head bowed and I guess rather ashamed, for I am as guilty as those who prompted me to write this mail. To add to this I must really say that in my youngest brother Nana, I know the most mature and worldly-wise 24 year old around, I’ll tell you why later.

Earlier today (Sunday) I was talking to my pops and told him that I have no more real life goals at the moment. Not that I have made it and I am superfly, but I just don’t know what else to aim for, money is great, but I refuse to ever make it a focal point in my life. He on the other hand like many of my uncles and aunts…and my dear mommy have a goal for me…”Yaw, what are u waiting for? Get a wife, make us some grand children etc.” and as logical a process as that seems to them. That process doesn’t seem to be that logical to me and this past week along with some other happenings in the recent past have highlighted why.

I know that you have either crossed the line or know someone who has crossed the line. No one in the world cares anymore, its all about ME!!! NOONE CARES! It was the harsh reality that smacked me in the face on Thursday, after chatting to this lass I held in such high regard. She told me that she knowingly crossed the line with a married man very recently, lets forget that this brother is most probably the skankiest married man in Jozi, but alas. Needless to say I was very disappointed to hear it. His poor wife must be aware of his antics cos everyone else knows he is dodgy. Why does she stay? But I guess that was the icing on the cake, well so I thought till on Saturday I went to this mates birthday party and there was what seemed to be this innocent sweet lady there, not at all young, so you would expect her to have her wits about her. She had an affair with her married boss for 5 dam n years. And apparently its only I who didn’t know about it. But what she also told me was that there are a lot of married men where she is that are doing it and everyone knows and its OK, its not FU CKIN OK DAM NIT!!!! On Tuesday I’m having a chat with one of my boys and he tells me that there is this married woman after him. What the F….!!! On Friday I went to a braai, u guys must think I just hang around with shady people and I am beginning to think that this may not be far from the truth…but anyway so my mates relay this story to me about 2 mates who go out on the pi ss with one of the guys ‘girl’, the other mate gets too hammered and cant make it home. So the 3 pass out on the same bed. Mate 1 (with the girl who is in the process of a divorce) wakes up to find ‘his lass’ getting hammered by mate 2. I repeat NO ONE CARES ANYMORE! The person relaying this story to me was in histerics laughing, why would he laugh u may ask well not so long ago, mate 1 did the same thing to one of his closest mates. KARMA, don’t f uck with it cos when it comes back to you it’s a Mutha!!! How is this for madness, yesterday I went to church and guess what the sermon was about? Brokenness in families!! So anyway on Thursday I am pretty distraught so I having a chat with Nana, my bro, telling him the world doesn’t care anymore, people are just going around doing what they want and not giving a damn, his words were very simple to me, “you don’t neither” and he was right! I didn’t!!

I am no angel and I realize my faults hence why I feel I can write this email. I have done wrong. When I did wrong, I was ashamed (honestly I was), yet at the same time I was chuffed to tell my boys. No excuses, but I was going through a bit of a rocky time and I wanted to tell myself that I am back and its all good! THAT’S BULL!! I soon realized that it was so not on! Karma, bra, it will come! Yes I was unattached, but one of the 10 commandments states very clearly “thou shall not covet another mans wife” if I am not mistaken and to me that extends to girlfriends too! What we as outsiders to a marriage and even worse those in a marriage fail to see is the sanctity marriage, its before God and Man, regardless of what God you believe in, a marriage, any marriage has the blessing of your god not so! So why agree to all these things if you wont fulfill em? I am so disillusioned now.

Lets even step away from religion for a bit! What are we to benefit from this? So he buys you flowers, flies you to Durban for dinner, takes you up to Sun City for the weekend, diamond earrings…(us guys get nothing, just a shag if we are lucky and we are happy) AND THEN??? What is he going to leave his wife for you, give me a god-damn break, Y the fu ck should he? He is on a perfect wicket, wife at home and skank wherever, what would he want to complicate his or her life for? U r not a fool, well so I’d hope, so what the fork!!

On the other side too, those in relationships that cheat, why do we do it? Boredom, to just believe that you still can, power? What is it? I mean why even bother getting into a committed relationship then if you will go around shaggin/kissing every impressionable young lady/man that you can manipulate. Its gotta stop somewhere. We all ask why this world is so messed up now, its cos of u and me. We make this what it is. We live our creation! The spill over effects, in your homes, all ur kids see is their folks fighting. What ur mates see is us guys willy nilly chasing skirt or pants any attached or unattached, we look past it cos its like whatever. No its not whatever its BULLL!! STOP IT DAMNIT. I sit here and I believe in my heart of hearts that I could not be the guy who cheats on his wife or girlfriend, I don’t want to be that guy, its just wrong, I am very stubborn, for example I only started boozing in 3 year varsity out of principle and stubbornness, its been downhill since, but not too badly, but I question myself sometimes.

So why do we do it. I have no excuses, I did it because I was looking to other people to tell me I’m Loreal (worth it) and I still got game and that’s just k ak. Once again my bro Nana, put it very clearly in one of our conversations many moons ago. Yes you need other people in the world, but essentially you go through this life alone. You live alone, u love alone, u write exams alone, u suffer alone, you decide alone, at the end of the day u come into this world alone and u leave alone. U must just reach a level where u r happy with who u r. There can be no other way. Looking for affirmation from others will never lead to your own personal happiness, NEVER!!

I am Yaw Oppong Peprah, born in Accra Ghana, not the wealthiest of places, but amongst the richest in terms of people, culture and morals(some). I was raised in Umtata Transkei, the best place to have grown up in South Africa during the 80’s. Yes I am black, with an oddly shaped pip. Sometimes funny, generally pricinpled. I live for my friends and my family, I live to add value to their lives and them to mine; I don’t live their lives nor live for their approval. I am who I am and I can only hope that’s good enough! Acceptance of yourself, faults and all…ceasing to compare yourself with others now that’s a good start. “You are who you are, don’t change…” (a song on Fresh House Flava something)

I don’t step over the line when I am in a relationship cos firstly there is respect for the other person, secondly I think to myself how would I feel if she were to do this to me. Same thing should apply before u cross the line with an attached person. How would u feel if this was my wife/husband, girl/boyfriend??

Its gotta stop! Enough ranting from me

Birthdays
11th That man they call Z
12th Garrin
16th Jane

“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the victory they won was over themselves. Self discipline with all of them was first” Harry S Truman

“A smile is a light in the window of your face to show your heart is at home” Anon

Maximum respect

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